finally, day 30. the end is here. 30 days of continuous blogging, i have succeeded.
the writing has been at times painful and lackluster. but overall, the experience has been rewarding. to celebrate, i am going to give myself a rest and not blog for a day *whew*
i hope you’ve enjoyed reading as much as i’ve enjoyed writing. i’ll still make it a habit to write here at least a few times a week, so don’t forget about this little blog. it’s been fun, i’ll probably do this again. did i just say that?!?
the finish line is a day away and i am still alive.
when i first started this 30 day challenge, i was seriously unsure as to whether or not i would be able to follow through. i am pleasantly surprised at the outcome and am definitely going to reward myself to a treat, yay! i’m glad day 31 lands on a friday, as i am definitely going to allow myself to not write for the first few days post blogathon.
one month ago, i needed to write. i always find writing to be very therapeutic. i wanted an outlet to channel my feelings, daily mumble jumbles, and energy. i wasn’t in top notch shape a month ago in terms of my mental health. i can gladly say that after engaging in daily dosages of self help, and conversations with strangers, that i am en route to getting better. i am still unsure as to where the mental instability came in, but it did. the forces of the environment surrounding me all came crashing in at the exact moment causing extreme and unexpected overload. things from the past all of a sudden seemed to make an astounding reentry into my life and that made me nervous. i was feeling things and emotions that i wasn’t allowing myself to fixate on from months ago, and everything caught up to me… but i was left behind.
on more than one occasion within a week, i was referred to as being vulnerable. i really really dislike that word, but only when it is used in reference to myself. i always associate the word negatively with thoughts of weakness and battery. i felt uncomfortable that people who barely knew me defined me ever so accurately. i was scared. i was unsure as to whether or not my peers saw me the same way. i felt like i walked around with a sign that read “fragile: handle with care” on my forehead. but i was wrong. being vulnerable taught me that it’s okay to feel. to be hurt, to give myself time, to heal. i often times don’t listen to my own advice and i needed to hear this from someone else to understand completely. being fragile and going through a state of transition and uncertainty brings out some of my better qualities. i am emotional and i feel. i am crazy but that’s because i’m passionate. i am still vulnerable, but i am in repair. i’ll get to where i want to be one day… and when i get there, i’ll be glad you were there with me every step of the way.
i am not sure when i became a phone addict, but the shift was relatively instant.
when i use the term “addict” i don’t actually mean using a phone for conventional talk time. i love my phone for all the reasons except talk (to an extent). i will definitely admit i enjoy texting and using the messenger component more so than talking, but i don’t blame my social reclusiveness, rather laziness. it is so much easier to send away a sure fire text that the person on the receiving end will get in mere seconds. to place an actual call requires searching through the phonebook, dialing, and chatting which ultimately consumes much more time. i know, ridiculous reasoning, right? a text just cuts to the chase and to get the point across. but, i still believe in regular phone conversations, obviously. sometimes i actually enjoy social interaction via phone, really.
to justify, texting allows me to be in constant contact with friends who aren’t local. today i sent multiple messages to friends residing in toronto and calgary. it was way easier than emailing or picking up the phone to call. the responses were instant, and i felt connected to them no matter how far away they are.
my phone addiction started the summer of 2007… and i am still in love with my phone. i actually love how sleek it is, as it fits right into my jeans pocket without creating the illusion of a bulge. reception is good, and the options are plentiful. my name is kathy, and i’m a crackberry addict. hi.
if obama can, so can i… be a phone addict that is…
i am itching for another tattoo. my count is up to 4, but i still want a half sleeve. i actually have a very nice and delicate tattoo in mind. the deciding factor now is where to put it on my body and when to actually do it. for a lot of people, they put a lot of thought into their tattoos. that’s why, most people i know just keep telling me “i want a tattoo but i just don’t know what i want to get..” and don’t actually end up getting any. yeah, i get that, but the more thought that goes into something (such as a tattoo), the more indecisiveness this will create. but, having said that, i also put a lot of thought into my ink choices, obviously.
i got my first tattoo when i turned 21. it was a birthday gift from a good friend of mine at the time. it’s a pretty sizable piece on my lower back. the pain was tolerable, if not more minimal than anything. my friend was wincing more than i was. my next tattoo i got when i was 25, quite awhile after my first one. i wanted a gigantic piece done on my arm, but the artist had told me it should actually be a back piece for emphasis on detail and shading. i chickened out last minute and went with a symbol on my right inner arm. this past summer, i got 2 words etched on my wrists. they are probably my favourites ones out of the bunch, maybe because i can constantly see them often, and then am reminded of why i got them done in the first place.
tattoos mark a period of my life i wish to remember. they are significant in actual meaning only to myself. i usually offer very little explanation to anyone who asks, especially random strangers who see them. the sensation of pain while getting inked makes me feel alive and strong. i think i’m ready for the next one, both a tattoo and chapter in my life.
it is now post 26 i do believe and i am running out of thoughts to share. this is obviously natural as i don’t think i’ve ever blogged this continuously throughout my blogging life. and i’ve been blogging on and off for about oh… 7 years. my first blog was on xanga. i actually had 2 xanga accounts because i felt like everyone i knew was reading about my life so i started up another account. once again, this is where the self obsessed nature stemmed from. well, in my defense this is why i had 2 xanga blogs. this guy i barely talked to, and knew briefly for only a period of time bumped into my in front of the library at school. it was one of those awkward moments where you feel compelled to make conversation, just because. it wasn’t like we had a very active nor close friendship. so the conversation ended with him telling me: “oh yeah, keep up the blog, your entries are good!” um, when the hell did i ever tell you about my blog?!?
i am very big on privacy. i eventually moved away from xanga and started up a blogger account post university. i stopped writing because that was so private that no one even knew about it so i felt like i was writing for no one but randoms. then i moved onto wordpress because it was the hippest platform for blogging. now, here i am. i am still very keen on privacy which is why i have not exposed this link on facebook. i don’t think i ever will. not because i think i’ll have a gigantic fanbase of readers or stalkers, but because i feel comfortable knowing i have some control over who reads my blogs. heck, some of my closest friends don’t even read this site (primarily because they choose not to, but that’s another blog in itself).
i’d rather have strangers surfing the net read this blog than some people i know. strangers don’t know me, they don’t know what i’m about or what kind of baggage i have. friends and acquaintances eventually piece it all together, or make wildly wrong assumptions. or, criticize.
this blogging challenge has taught me how to be a more open writer. it’s helped me get going with the writing again, and it surely comes easily these days (to a certain extent). as this blogathon draws to a close, i am looking for new challenges and obstacles. i am thinking my next challenge will be a gym, diet, and reading challenge.
